May 05, 2011

Pranks Gone Bad

Saratoga Dairy Memory
By John R. Greenwood

Long ago, a lifetime away, I worked at a memorable place called Saratoga Dairy. At this particular period of my milk related career, I was working the night shift. There were a wide range of jobs, with a wide range of lunatics on that shift. 
To survive an eight to ten hour night shift in any processing facility you must possess the stability of a rabid squirrel in rush hour traffic. It was also a prerequisite to be a trained practical joke professional.  
One hot July evening as we were unloading a truck of empty milk crates, we discovered a treasure chest of spoiled cottage cheese, bloating in the summer heat. What a great opportunity lay before us. The genius exhibited that hot summer night has yet to be duplicated. 
Our plan was to plant this cache of rotting, bubbling, curdling, greening cottage cheese under the car seat of one of our coworkers. It would be whichever coworker happened to be next on the 'Hit List'. 
What joy, we would experience when our victim returned Monday from his weekend off. His discovery would of course bring us all to our knees in laughter filled tears. 
Try to imagine our surprise when we realized our coworker was leaving for a July vacation, and that he was planning to leave his rotting, cottage cheese-baited Plymouth, baking in the 90-degree sun for two weeks. 

Pranks were rare for a few months after that July apocalypse
Somewhere in an old country junkyard, decades later, there is an old unclaimed Plymouth permeating an odor unlike anything ever created naturally or otherwise. 
Sometimes pranks go awry, people get hurt, cars are destroyed; by accident or by cottage cheese. The “Great Cottage Cheese Prank of 1977”, was the latter. 
To this day, I can’t help but shudder each time I pass the dairy section of the supermarket or an old Plymouth sitting in the sun.

Pranks Gone Bad…



  1. LOL. Nice story. The night shift is where it all happens. It's unnatural to be awake in the night, hence the need for something to keep us awake. I've been victim and perpetrator of many a practical joke. None as nasty as your cheese tale though. LOL :-)

  2. John,

    What a lovely, innocent and light hearted tale.
    Life then was a more enjoyable time and even a practical joke could have been tolerated!Not these days. No sense of humour or no time!

    Best wishes, Eileen

  3. Eileen, I am not sure how innocent it was but it was one step below greasing the rails on the catwalk steps and one level above watering down the new guys before they had to go into the cooler for eight hours.

  4. John,

    I read my comment again, and I just wanted to clarify something. When I said 'nasty' I intended it in the 'smelly' 'yucky' 'gross' way. I definitely did not mean the intent of the practical joke was in any way nasty. On second reading, it didn't look good. Apologies.

  5. Paul, I certainly understood what you meant, but in all reality it was a mean and nasty prank from the start. Have you ever watched the movie Grumpy Old Men? The fish under the seat was a cut above.

  6. Yes John, I've seen that movie. lol I understand what you're saying. I must be honest and admit I liked it but then again, I wasn't the recipient of a smelly fish in my car. I probably wouldn't have found it funny if it had been my car. :-)

    Best Wishes