Who Am I and What Have I Done With My Pen?
By John R. Greenwood
|"The long road ahead"|
I finally talked myself off the ledge. I was convinced that what was happening was normal. I didn’t have to rely on my writing to pay the car payment--I had a nine to five for that. What I did need was more courage, more gumption, less whining. Did I really think my silly little blog posts could compare to the talent of someone who’d won a Guggenheim and MacArthur Fellowship in the same year? He was famous and I was not. On one hand I couldn’t feel more distant and on the other, the desire to put my thoughts and dreams down on paper was exactly the same as his. He’d paid his dues. I was just beginning. The difference right now was years, or maybe just minutes. I went back to George for a second look. I would buy one of his books. I would study and survey his work more thoroughly. Who was I to think this stuff comes naturally. How arrogant of me. I learned a valuable lesson today. I learned that there are more books than libraries, more trees than forests. I owed it to George to look closer. The ability to grow and thrive depends on our resolve and doing your homework. It doesn’t come on a silver platter. I felt compelled to write about my shortcomings as an artist because I made the mistake of using a measuring stick instead of looking in the mirror. It isn't about the reviews; it's about the person being reviewed. It's about being true to what speaks to you. The problem comes when you're not listening. Today I vowed to open my eyes and listen more closely.